In a nightmare

Every part of my life has spun into a whirlpool; a tie dye of worries, brawling love and hate, songs of evil and family, bombard my conscious mind. all collide, and at the bottom, rest with me. Inward lies a soul, shattered and beaten to a paste; no solidity to my essence. scared and unsure. What lay within affects what lies without. i am sad, lonely, and lost. trying so hard to find self, I have become distant from all else. Procrastinations' trap rips away at me. Facing the music of my wrongs, I'm spineless and quivering in shame. Feeling as if a pack of rotting, festering, flesh with thorns and stones has been placed upon my back. a ghastly, pricking, weighted stigma. And as the worsening storm above screams and cries, as dose my heart. "Where is my Coll ipso to calm my raging sky and sea?" Much unlike my resolve, she is alive and missing. Not lost like mine self, but gone to another place. Not distant, but unknown. keeping her at bay is my profound stench of self loathing staining the air around. My feet caught in bubbling muck. My hands shackled and chained. My eyes blinded by ugly reflections. And my fragile mind hanging about insanities cliff.
All I can do is let myself fall, scream for help and hope someone comes, or pick myself up.